☩ The Truth Beneath the Rose ☩

[TakodaVega]

I have an exteme self-loathing complex that comes out more often than not when times aren't going too well. I feel that Forsaken's almost ghost town state is my fault because I didn't do something right or not enough. That the idea, though bulletproof, was doomed to fail because of not being a part of the active scene. There is only so much I can do. Juggling between my real life duties and Staff duties I feel like I let down a lot of people and that is why everything is falling apart.

But what does that leave you guys? Nothing. I refuse to get you guys tangled into my issues as to what I feel I'm doing wrong here. Know that I love you all dearly even when I get like this and I'm looking out for your best interests in mind.

[TakodaVega]

Daydreamer, with eyes that make you melt
He lends his coat for shelter plus he's there for you
When he shouldn't be
But he stays all the same, waits for you, then sees you through
There's no way I could describe him
What I'll say is, just what I'm hoping for

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

I appologize to those who have been waiting from a post from me - Life has been hectic as of late . Hectic being an understatement. So to give you guys a general idea of what's going on here's the jist.

Danae and I are trying to get a place together since my lease goes out at the end of March. However things haven't been cooperating very well [Some of the places we looked at either A.) Didn't work out or B.) were possible fiancial suicide .-.;]. In the meantime I still have my stuff to pack, bills to pay, etcetc.

Work has been bouncing all over as well. There are talks I may be moving to fulltime to take my old bosses job because she can't do it [derp]. My new meds make me slightly crazy and my muse is being fickle. In a nutshell Tako has been busy with IRL crap. She hates it. She misses being able to write and getting everything out and about and situated but it's being bleh. Soon though I'll have everything underway.

Miss you <3

[TakodaVega]

Good News! Momma Vega has found a new location to call "home."

Bad News! When the day comes to actually move she will not probably be on much for a few days/week.

WITH THAT being the case, I'm leaving Forsaken in Dies and Altair's hands while I'm gone. They know what and how to contact me in case of emergency.

I love you guys <3.

[TakodaVega]

I'm gonna lay back down,
Hope the wind takes me around.
I gotta find some courage in this town,
'Cause nobody's going to save
Somebody who won't change,
I try to be brave.

And nothing's coming easy, and all at once,
I feel a little queasy.
Oh, but if your love's my remedy,
Won't you please come and be with me?

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

Hello everybody. This is an overload apology for keeping everyone waiting.

A lot of IRL stuff has been going on recently. In fact I haven't even touched a computer in almost 4 days. Let alone been home for 3 of those 4.

My father is needing surgery, what kind and what for I don't know yet, I am going to find out tomorrow.

I'll try to post to everybody before the weekend however. I hate keeping everyone out of the loop.

[TakodaVega]

Feels like living in a dream from which I cannot wake
I don't wanna hide
They are tearing me apart
You cannot pray for laughter
I cannot decide
I cannot wake
I cannot pray

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

I'm back now <3 I have new music that is helping my muse!  However it will be slow going at first. I'm going to try at least get 3/4 rp posts done a day until caught up.  I know that it may seem erratic for me and anybody who is worried lately don't hesitate to message me online [I'm under the same username on almost all messengers, they are also listed on my profile]. All the staff have my number, so if there is an emergency I am still around.

Currently I'm at my parents house until I finish Fae's post. Then I'll try to do more when I get home [I have Tel's and Espee's on my computer in particular]. So hopefully my muse will come back to life completely.

Again I sincerely apologize for not being around. I can also hope that when I start school this fall that it will not disrupt too terribly much.

I love everyone! I have missed all my darling lullabies. <3

[TakodaVega]

Hello my Lullabies!

As you all may have noticed I've been working pretty hard on getting all my posts done and in a timely manner. o3o Or at least *attempting* to. The power went out for a pretty decent amount of time yesterday so the posts I had done yesterday didn't want to happen .-.; cause I had to charge my laptop when I did finally get power back and theeen yeah. >-<; So I'm sorry no posts happened yesterday.

BUT! There is spectacular news afoot~

Come August I start school: I am going in fulltime online. I also got a promotion at work. This is not necessarily a bad thing as that means more money for me, though I will say that my online time may not be as much at first. School and Work before play. unless it's a slow day =P once school starts I will see how long it takes me to post. I may limit myself to two posts a day. We'll see what happens.

[TakodaVega]

A man dies like a butterfly
Life burns from the touch of the reaper
All things must pass
One love is a crooked lie
The world lies in the hands of evil
And we pray it would last

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

BUSY WEEK IS BUSY! Tako started her first day of school today. Most of it is Exceedingly easy. Which is good. Except for two classes.

My english class is going to be the devil. I can already tell this because I have HORRENDOUS Grammar, among other things. One class isn't hard, it's just on a different time table than ALL the other classes. Everyone else is wed>wed, this one? Sun>Sun. ._.; So I'm throwing this out there right now.

From 9 AM > 12 PM M&Thurs [which are my days off] I won't be available for anyyything =P No chat no nothing. If you see me online please don't bother me on those two days =P. I may not be posting as much but we'll see what happens.

As always I love you allll <3

[TakodaVega]

Originally I was going to post about how I'm getting back into the groove of things and I was get posting again but a really nasty bombshell has hit in my life that I need to take priority of first before I come back to do REALLY serious posting. This has been x-posted on a couple of sites but I believe this will give you the gist of how I feel right now. Love you all <3

I was having a fairly good night until I went out to my car to get my phone and hang out with interesting playful male who made me amused. There was a missed call from my birth father on my phone.
My Father never calls me. In fact the last time I spoke to him on the phone was Father's day. That is not to say we haven't kept in touch, it's what Facebook is for usually but when I got my new phone I had two of his numbers in my phone old phone and thanks to a glitch it refused to let me add either of them to mine and I completely forgot to ask him about so he and I could start back to talking and getting to know each other.
Let me further clarify in stating that my Father had not seen me for 23 years until this year. In fact he had almost given up finding me a few years back until he found my mom. Because I use my online moniker for everything people who know me outside of family would look for that versus my real name.
I had been worried in either case because like I said - A.) He never calls me and B.) I had noticed over the weekend he had posted about being in the hospital again. He has some major health issues because of stupid shit he did to himself (The main reason why he dropped off the face of the earth was because of Coke, and not the drinking kind). So I immediately called him back on my way back to Saucer from my car.
The conversation had started out mundane enough, and I in all my optimistic attitude missed a memo somewhere.
"So you know I won't be able to see you again, right?"
"Well yeah,"
"What? How'd you know?"
I wish I could see you sooner like we'd talked about, but you are going to the...the..." insert pondering moment "Phillipines right to see your girlfriend?"
"No, because I only have 3-6 months to live according to the doctor."
Stunned silence. This was the man who I had obviously inherited a lot of my personality and had just started to get to know again telling me that he was going to die. The rest of the conversation was practically a blur by that point. I know he told me he loved me, and that he was at least happy to see me once. He told me that I shouldn't let anyone change me and that he knows I'm always against the world, and that's a good thing because I'm being me.
He also told me I'm one of the last people to know. He didn't tell me what he was sick with, only that it wasn't cancer and since he'd been in the hospital he'd been sleeping for 20 hour stints and he had yet to be vertical since he got in and that his main goal was to get that way. One day at a time.
And that is what I have to do, take it one step at a time. I looked up today what he had originally said on Facebook. What I had originally thought had been a typo for FML is actually far more. FMLA = Family and Medical Leave Act.
This burns me in more ways I can really say. I want to do a rewind button and had made the effort to see him more, to not have made our first meeting like it was and the basis for it. He had offered before but then I was awkward and we had just started talking then.
I'm just tired of crashing. When do things really get better?

[TakodaVega]

Leave him in the sunset 28
to remember the moments in the sun
and the diamond that lost her world today
will keep on shining brighter than the sun

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

My birth father died yesterday. I found out today.

A part of me died with him.

[TakodaVega]

watasha hana ka?  chouchou ka? oni ka?
aware mi mo yo mo  araryou mono ka?
beni no kawari ni  sasu no wa yaiba ja
tanto homete kudashanse

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

I haven't been really around lately and this is the main reason why.

With school stuff, and my dad dying I haven't had the muse to really write, at all. I thought perhaps maybe there was nothing left. Thankfully I have a good friend of mine who is pulling out of my slump by expanding one of my favorite characters storylines. But it still means slow goings for those on Forum. I'm going to try and work things this week during my down time. I know for sure the end of March I will as it is Spring Break <3 However it's exam week lately T.T; so I've been massively busy.

I'm also currently seeing a therapist to help with my issues so hopefully that will help improve things as well. Though Anime so distracting too T.T;

I managed to watch all these anime in the following week:

Inu x Boku
Zakuro
Amnesia [WHICH IS A REALLY CONFUSING ANIME IF YOU DUNNO THE PREMISE D:]
Sukitte Iinayo [Say "I Love You" in English]
Kamisama Kiss
Hiiro no Kakera

I also had to fix IX this week after a fluke accident happened. T.T;

[TakodaVega]

Every saint now has a past
So may the sinners' future last
Every ghost still has a haunt
Where he or she feels they belong
All possessing tortured souls
Confessing all that's yet to be
Saints and sinners are
Lunatics a vicious breed

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

I haven't posted in this in 3 years. Time to change that.

In the last three years, I have graduated college, left two jobs and gained a better one. Learned to live my life and then always know there is somewhere always to go back to. As I always promised I kept Forsaken up and running even if it was dead because...well why not? You never know who many come back one day.

And if the churn of posts means anything my muse hasn't completely died. It just needed reprieve and a new outlet to come back to. I've seen my favorite bands live and I have had some heartbreak.

I got put on medication to help with the fact I'm crazy. I gained a serpent and a fish who never seems to die no matter what happens to him. She demon is still here and likes to curl up against the back of my chair. So I beg that you give me time to make sure people get the responses they have been asking for [sometimes for years] because my muse was a cunt. I promise a post to everyone who I know didn't leave prior to my own disappearance. Though it takes time. I also have to reread some rps to the point I remember what is going on.

Write on ~

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸
List of Roleplays remaining for posts

Past Due
* Seven Days with CerebralError
* Yield to Temptation with Uriel
* Reaping the Requiem with Vive
* Disarm Me With Your Loneliness with Altair
* to save a Niamh with Relix
* Fire and Ice with Tel
* Forsaken Mother Machine
* Cursive Eve

Revived
* Machine Vision with BB
* Kiss from a Rose with Niketia
* Riddle Me This with Sweet
* The Last Dance with Niketia

[TakodaVega]

I hear my battle symphony
All the world in front of me
If my armor breaks
I'll fuse it back together
Battle symphony
Please just don't give up on me
And my eyes are wide awake

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

Dusty journal is dusty.

Pending updates incoming.

Vacation Tako will be doing all the posting yarps.

[TakodaVega]

Take a look in the mirror
And what do you see
Do you see it clearer
Or are you deceived
In what you believe

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

Work Load this week:

Admin related:
Fix forum errors generated from bad attatchment

Post related -in order of needing to be completed -:
Herald's Lament w/ Green: http://forsakenlullaby.com/forum/index.php?topic=42924.0
Ode to Requiem w/ Green: http://forsakenlullaby.com/forum/index.php?topic=42925.0 - In Drafts to be worked on later
Sherlock w/ Yami: http://forsakenlullaby.com/forum/index.php?topic=42917.0
Dance in Fire w/ Tae: http://forsakenlullaby.com/forum/index.php?topic=42920.0
Cheshire w/ Sweet: http://forsakenlullaby.com/forum/index.php?topic=284.20
* Kiss from a Rose with Niketia
* The Last Dance with Niketia
Everything in the DYO. Fuck.

Things to poke about:
Rp with Grey

[TakodaVega]

You say heroes will survive,
But you battalion is outnumbered. Are you blind?
It's time to open up your eyes.
The wolves are howling, yet you stay in line.

,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸ღ,.-~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸

I meant to post before I left to see My Lady this weekend. BUUUUUUUUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

#whoops.

But I am bringin my laptop with me. SO I may do a post or two but do not expect anything from me until Sunday! Please don't be angry ;-;

Much love